Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Learning To Love Yourself (more) pt. 23

Be good to yourself.

Be good to yourself.

And the world just sort of slips away and is replaced by nothing.  A dark space, the body is floating and there is nothing all around.  Slowly the stars come into view and you realize where you are.  Floating, drifting through the matter of time and space before it is set to a field of limit.  

In this space that isn't space but just is you tell yourself, 

what is good?

No answer comes only a feeling to be mediated on.  Where bad is bad, dropping below zero and holding a negative value to the holder and causer of such things you have good, this thing you are reaching for.  But rather than reaching for it with your mental arms what if you transform those arms into good, what if you transform yourself into good.  You are breathing in good and breathing out good.  A flash hits you, nothing could be this good, you think of too much ice cream and apple pie, you think of something too sweet that turns your stomach a sour and how it hurts coming out.  That was too good for my stomach.  But you are mistaken, that is an artificial kind of good, what we are talking about right now is a good that transcends the value of positive, better, sweet, and even beautiful, it just is.  Letting yourself stop thinking and breathe deep and deeper you feel something.  Before you realize what it is, you bring a thought that brings the definition, the label on such a feeling, stop yourself, hold on to this ambiguous feeling, it is rushing through your body and mind and what it is matters not just letting it be.  And in this, we are being, be good.  Be good.  Repeat, be good.  Breath deep now, exhale, be good.  And let the world fade to darkness.  

What is being good?  What is that feeling you get when you do something good to others?  Who are you when you are good?  Do you like yourself, do you feel content, do you feel stronger, truer, and beautiful? Let's push aside our demons, let's not fight them, but make peace with them, be good to them, and realize they aren't demons after all, in fact they are ANGELS, yes, angels with horny heads and fiery red flesh, and eyes that pierce the soul.  They are angels.  And they will fly away, say good bye, and then close your eyes.  You realize the room around you, you realize you are not alone, and you can't remember who is in there with you.  Can you trust these people, how many were there again (idontknow)?  You tell yourself not to fear them.  You hear one get up and what sounds like him or her move closer to you before sitting down again.  Another shuttle and even a cough.  The cough has no gender and you wonder, who is there?  Your eyes are still closed and almost shut, you can open them whenever you're ready but you aren't yet (you haven't found what you are looking for).  And what is it you are looking for?  Answers?  To what questions?  

What if all the answers are within you?  What is you already know and that you have to train your mind and heart to believe that which you feel is true.  To push aside the EGO and the voice of others to hear your own, the own that has been buried from the debris of life.  Try hard to find this voice, this feeling, this piercing feeling without a face.  It may happen just now or over years, but never give up for it is very much there.  Try hard to fight the sadness the doubt the fear for they are as real as the day that only fades away into darkness and that is replaced the very next day.  Try to remember that they are superficial and hold no truths about you.  

If the universe is within us, then the answers we ask for or question not are in us as well.  Look for the crack.  And exploit it when you find it.  And once you've done that keep it to yourself, but spread the good either way.  Make someone's day, week, month, year, and after that, make their life.  Help them remember.  And help them never to forget ever ever ever ever ever again.  

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