Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Being Horrible (at life)

(Upon, 22x44" c-print, for NEXT BIG THING (OCAD Student Gallery)

In some many ways. Something beyond tongues and butterflies. An awkwardness from awkwardness; that feeling; that need to speak. You have to get something out, but you're worried, or something, and can't do anything. It is the block hits you and that tells you, you can't speak, you can't react. There is a naked person in front of you, and you can't say anything. Neither can you throw your clothes off, and be merry with them. You're stuck, you're alone, you're both alone, and it's that awkward. I would like to think by now I can form some reaction, something to either create humor out of the situation, the same sense of humor which has helped me out of a lot of awkward situations, but even that falls short. I can look lost and then find a penny on the floor, and say, "I found a penny", but there aren't any on the floor, just someone's clothes. I am trying to make them feel like I am on the same level, that I too feel naked, and that we are both alone, I just have my clothes on. I don't want to upset anyone if I keep them on, so I usher them with saying, it's just me, with my clothes on, always, you know, haha... For a child you can just comedically fall and hit the floor, for an old person you can just ask about the weather, for a person quite similar to you, all you have is a risk that scares you into familiar discomforts or can just stay still, hoping they can't see you if you stay still enough. I would like to shake their hand, maybe even give them a good old international hug. Can we just have the best hug ever without it looking like a cop-out, that I was afraid. A hug that says, I love you, you human being, yeah, sure, we're alone, that's the human condition, that's existential and stuff, but this hug is two bodies coming together to form one, and that this is the brace that is the only thing keeping two things falling apart.

In the end, no one will clap, no one will cheer, no one will realize we just saved humanity.

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