Saturday, September 18, 2010

Something I'm Used Ta

We used to call times together infinite moments, nowadays we're lucky to spend any time together. The joy, the thrill, what made it so isolating is now gone, and we're casuals to each other, I know the hide of your back you know the pride of my neck, and that's that. I can dig a hole to China, but what do I do once I get there (don't even know chinese)? I can bike for days and days but eventually I'm going to need a destination. This place makes me feel old, I'm young for God's sake, but I feel old like time. And these times are telling me, it's time for new. The nomad in me says go, the people I see say go, my feet, well, they're gone, so what is left (my heart). I don't know anymore, an apartment full of stuff I leave for months on end and forget about. It is fear, a fear like no other, it is the fear all adults have, it is the settling down, it is the regulation of life, and creating an everyday. There are some folks that are doing what they've been doing their whole life: adventuring (those Joyce's, those Kerouac bums). And what's the real difference between those folks and you and I (unless you're living adventure all the time, but where do you find the time to read obscure blogs) and those go-getters-fo-realzies? Back again to this fear that is faceless, a fear that is undefined and yet we know what it is, a fear that has worked its way into the fabric of our lives, and is the reason why we are planning out our weeks, keeping a regular job, and working full-time to buy things that we can easily forget once we are separated from it.
I'm going to put my foot down, I'm going to say I can embrace change, and I will, and I will take on this fear, alone, naked, confused, and blindly walking forward with no thought and no concern, for the future. And perhaps that is what the fear is, our future, for what ever the hell it is going to be, it is uncertain whether you stay or you go, lose it all, or gain a winning lotto, it's all the same, the difference is nothing, between sitting and standing, moving and chilling out. We all gotta go, we all gotta live, we all have our stories, so why not add some more spice to our next dish of getthefuckoutofhere (and live the rest of your life).


Anonymous said...

what if it is not actually your fear, what if you are not actually who you think you are and the fear is a friendly message from your real self?

BrendanGeorge said...

you are probably absolutely and positively true, stranger. my fear is the truth about me, i ignore it because i want it to be untrue. it pains me. it's how i survive.