More Than A Feeling

(Modern Ghost, from whatijustmightcall; Holy Mountain!, 2010)

Here's a little diary entry. I finished thesis last tuesday. Days prior I felt fed up and tired. I didn't see anything beautiful in my work because perhaps it was too worked, it was too watched, and it was something I had to talk about over and over. I got better at talking about work that was loose but I got tired somewhere midway. I was feeling like I just might not continue doing work for a while, and there was even a brief thought of doing something else. I am a stubborn person, I am also complicated and unorganized (in an unconventional sense, that unorganized like a sea of chaos only one person knows how to navigate through and when you ask that captain chaos he or she will tell you they can't explain it, but they'll try either way).

I say, it is my stubbornness that is my greatest and worst asset as an artist and as a person. I'll be stubborn to change when I feel it should it should remain or have a different direction, but it is my stubbornness that keeps me going. That's it, I'm too stubborn to give up now. And after writing a whole lot of something-something about one body of work, I just want to make work that is as loose as the pants you left behind when you got shipwrecked on a deserted island. I want to focus on the strange but beauty for a while, I want to start making work that is more intuitive than conceptual. I want a feeling over a reference, a pain over an intellectual epiphany. I'm not trying to change the world, but create something I like and for reasons I can't explain. I want you to have the same song that is stuck in my head stuck in yours. Moore than a feeling by Boston, and here's a youtube link because if you've gone this far with me, than I think you need to refresh your ears, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcsVPis1iNs