Learning To Love Yourself (More) pt. 18

(The House, The Bat, That Man, his Family, and Such a Horrible Thing-to-Have-Had-Happened, from We Soon Be Nigh!, 2011)

The Future is Uncertain

Today, yes today, right now, yes now, in this moment, with the sun shining, or the lack of sun shining, in this now when you are breathing, your eyes are open, and there is air around you, realize this, that air that surrounds you, is neither good nor bad until you give it a value. That this day is just the same, it holds no value until you give it one, and just like the outcome of today, it holds nothing until you wish it does. Perhaps not wish, but the mind chooses one. Hold tight, forget that you have no control over how you feel, what your day is going to be like, and just hold on to this feeling, a feeling of being able to change, and change, and change even after that. That you are able to make any day a good day, even if someone close to you dies, don't let that ruin anything, sure remember them, but remember they probably didn't want you feeling down about them dying, that if anything they wanted you to feel happy. Feel happy, whatever happiness is, just coat your vision, your feeling with the general sense of everything is going to be ok, everything is going to be good. You have to have hope for the future, even if you can't see it, it will happen, and when it does happen you have to be ready for it.

This future I talk of is something vague, ambiguous, formless, and bewildering, you can either fear it, or embrace its difference or lack of difference and see it as not a threat to your now, but an evolution. And in the process you will lose, you will lose hard, but lose something to gain something, and that my friend is knowledge, son, knowledge, in knowing that all your years of life has made you the best you could ever be, until the next few years pass, and then you'll be even better. Perhaps this is a statement with a view that progress is positive, let me strip that value of progress away, and leave it grey, blank, and uncertain again, and let you give it a value. If anything I want to be Patrick Swayze's hands guiding your Demi Moore hands as we form a pot, or rather what was going to be a pot before things got outta control, and we just went with it, making a love child of ceramic. That pot is our future, our hands are what weld that future, and what happens in-between is up to us. For me, it's thinking the Righteous Brothers are constantly playing in the background of my mind, making me feel good inside. They reach down to a point where my flesh is not the flesh of an adult but of a boy, a boy who knows little of the world but knows all he needs to know with his imagination. I traded probably half my imagination for fact, fiction, and science fiction and hold whatever remains deep down inside, not letting the world change that for a bit. What do you mean unicorns don't exist, nor ghosts, nor the devil, ridiculous!

(repeat after me)

I WANT TO BELIEVE. I WILL BELIEVE. AND THAT TODAY WILL BE A DAY OF BELIEVING, THAT THE FUTURE WILL BE A FUTURE OF BELIEVING IN, AND THAT EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK, NO, IT'S GOING TO BE EVEN BETTER, IT IS GOING TO BE AMAZING, WHATEVER MY DEFINITION OF AMAZING IS WHEN I GET THERE, WHEN THE FUTURE IS NO LONGER THE FUTURE BUT IS THE PRESENT, AND WHEN I'M IN THE PRESENT, THE NOW, I WILL GIVE IT A VALUE, I WILL GIVE IT A FACE, AND TELL THAT FACE, HEY YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, BABY, YOU ARE MOST POSITIVE, AND I AM POSITIVELY ALL YOURS, AND IN EXCHANGE, YOU. ARE. ALL. MINE.

(A galactic high-five of kissing palms shake the space around it, this is as amazing as frightening, and for a time we remember when being scared was fun, like all ghost stories, our curiosity is stirred, it fills our bellies with mystery and uncanny uncertainty. Let's not stop believing, you and me, let's never stop believing.)

Floating in space is a child, or rather, a fetus, that has a face of a child, and eyes of an adult, and say that is us, our next step, and that we have made it, we have touched the void that is a large black monolith, and we have evolved beyond anything our past selves were. Sure I can be positive, see the world in a certain light, and hover in a state that is what I define as good, but the struggle is getting you to be there with me, to know that you are on the same page, I will try, I will continue to try, and all I want from you is to promise to me that you will try, and be, yes, to be, the thing that comes after trying, the becoming, you have become positive, you are able to hover, and that we are on the same page, seeing the world in two completely different ways, but have somehow defined it as being positive, good, better than before, getting better and better by the day, and as we see this growing peak, this constant of betterment, we see the future, yes, it is uncertain, and will always be, but this uncertain doesn't have to be this unknown that we fear, or dread, or rather not know because we don't care to think about the future, and what it may hold, no, this uncertainty has no value, it has no face, until you give it one. And perhaps that is for the best, to give it nothing, to let it exist as a formless, shapeless, void of void, and let our hearts and minds not sink, but be enlightened. To be intrigued, to even be enthusiastic about it.

Let's be enthusiastic without being blind, let's forget about old notions because they are old, the opposite of the new, and future-new. Let's piggyback on what we got to reach high enough to reach the stars. Yes, those giant balls of burning energy, those stars.